Turning 30

This was taken at my 8th birthday party. I was annoyed at my Mom for wanting to take more pictures when clearly there was a cake to be eaten and presents to open. #divachild

For over a year I have thought about what I will write on this post, and for over a year I have been dreading writing this post because it means that the day has come. Today I say goodbye to my 20’s and hello to my 30’s. I feel weird about it, and oddly calm at the same time. A part of me is in denial– two months ago someone I met asked me how old I was, I told her I was 24. I wasn’t intentionally trying to lie, I honestly thought I was 24. I quickly apologized and told her I was 29. I guess you can say that it is a good thing that I still feel so young… lets go with that. But truly it is because I thought I was going to live a Tuck Everlasting type of life. I am so wrong, unfortunately. I don’t know where the years went, I may have blacked out (and not from being drunk). Being in your late 20’s early 30’s is a little bit of a confusing age to be in. It is true that half your friends are staying at home on a Friday night with their new born baby, and the other half is still partying until 3am. And then there are the people like me, who are not in either category. It’s a little strange to feel like an odd man out, and yet I have never known myself more and have felt more confident in my own skin.

Then you have the odd realization that your life has not turned out at all how you planned it. Growing up I thought I would get engaged by 24, married at 25, starting a family and my occupation would be a dance teacher. Now I am SO happy that wasn’t the case. If I was married at that time, would I have ever moved to New York, started my own business, and have had all these incredible experiences? Who knows? Probably not. I do know that my life is no where near where I thought it would be and I am happy that it turned out this way. I feel grateful it didn’t. I am also very career driven at this age and not really thinking about a family. Sure I would love to have one, but my focus is primarily on building a brand. God had other plans for me and this is my path in life. I truly feel blessed and I truly feel that this is only the beginning of something incredible, that my life is about to really change for the better–really take off. Turning 30 does not scare me, in fact I have been waiting for this decade my entire life. As a child I had a premonition (I know, I know), that I am going to thrive in my 30’s, that my 30’s is the right decade for me. I felt out of place during my entire 20’s and really struggled with a lot of issues— heartbreaks, body image, career choices, friendships. I think I spent half of my 20’s crying over someone or something. Don’t get me wrong I had the time of my life in my 20’s–stayed out until 4am dancing with friends, partied with celebrities, traveled, fell in and out of love a couple of times, lived in my favorite city for a few years, and the best part–I started this blog. Being in your 20’s is like a rollercoaster of emotions, you are trying to hold onto who you use to be, while you are molding into who you want to become. I am definitely NOT the same person I was when I was 22 or even 26. Not even close, and thank God for it.

Originally for this post I was going to do the typical ’30 things I learned before turning 30′, but this post is already long enough and I probably lost you at premonition. So I narrow it down to the top 10 things I learned in life as a wise 30 year old.

1) Know your worth: When it comes to friendships and relationships, know your worth in that relationship. It is hard to say goodbye to someone you truly love and care about, but if that person has treated you in a way you wouldn’t even dream of doing to them, then they no longer deserve to be in your life. It doesn’t have to be bad blood, but know that there are other people out there that will treat you better. People play a part in your life and sometimes their part does not last through your whole story and that is ok. I am not saying to go ahead and if someone is mean to you to throw them away. You know who the toxic people are in your life, it is time to get rid of them. Take note on the people who you constantly try to stay connected with and they do not reciprocate. Then take note on the people in your life that are there for you, support you no matter what. You will learn what people genuinely care for you by how they make an effort to stay in your life. If someone is constantly trying to stay in your life, those are the people you want, the people who love you unconditionally. Even those who you may not talk to on a daily bases, they are right there for you to clap for you or lend a shoulder to cry on. They are the ones who genuinely care about you and they are making an effort for a reason.

2) Take care of your health: I always thought I was a healthy person, until I learned that eating microwave dinners is not the best for you. In college and the years following it, I NEVER felt well. And it wasn’t all a terrible hangover. Of course much of this is due to having a gluten allergy that I didn’t discover until years later, but it was mainly because I wasn’t eating healthy foods. I was eating late night pizza or whatever the street vender had, snacking on cheese or M&M’s, drinking a ton of OJ, and eating microwaveable meals. Learning to cook real healthy foods was the best skill that I acquired in my 20’s.

3) Move out of your comfort zone: This is the best advice I can give you. Nothing great ever came from being comfortable. Move to a city where you know no one, quit your job to create the startup you have been dreaming about, make friends outside of high school and college, travel as much as you can, go to an underground rave that is completely out of character. Being comfortable has always been boring to me. Find adventure somewhere. Even if you fail, get your heart broken, become broke–you will never regret getting out of your comfort zone, it will shape you into a better person–a stronger, more confident person.

4) Do not apologize for you who are and who you want to become: In your 20’s you really do start to feel more comfortable in your own skin–it doesn’t happen until your late 20’s and it happens over night. You stop comparing your self to others, or at least fake the jealousy easier.  Really I didn’t start feeling comfortable in my own skin until I started this blog. It pushed me to say “Hey, this is me, this is what I love, this is who I am”. It’s really invigorating and freeing once you know who you are. In a world full of crop top wearers that bare their stomachs, I prefer a more modest look—and that is ok!  I love to read self help books, learn about history,tech, fashion, and dance, I listen to ballet music and rap music, I prefer to never watch another football game again, and I have been known to bust out the robot on the dance floor—and that is ok! Know you are and become obsessed with yourself. I also believe in myself more because I know who I am, I know I can do whatever I put my mind to and have passion behind. I always dreams of owning my own business but never thought I had the “right stuff” to do it, now I know I couldn’t be more wrong. I believe in all of my dreams and believe I can achieve them all.

5) Drinking: Whatever happened to the days of unlimited beer guzzling down your throat? Now I can’t move for two days if I have more than two glasses of wine. Your 20’s is the time to get drunk and weird because someday your body is going to say “no more”. And it is ok to not want to drink until 4am, and you prefer happy hour and  dinner with friends, to say no to the shot being offered to you, to say no to da club, and it is also perfectly acceptable to say yes to it all. Drinking becomes more of a pleasure.

6) Learn to be happy: Everyday you will find reasons to complain and reasons to be thankful.  I think part of being in your 20’s you are suppose to struggle a lot with everything. No one has it all figured out right after college. I think the best thing for you to do is figure out what makes you happy and focus on that. Through my heartbreaks, meltdowns, and career path, what kept me going is surrounding myself with what I loved. It can be as easy as listening to your favorite song, learning a new skill, playing your favorite sport, taking pictures–whatever  is it, focus on it. Whatever it is or whoever it is that is causing negativity in your life, find a way to not embrace it. It will only drag you down. Learn that the world is not against you, people are not against you and your reaction to each situation determines the outcome of that situation. Learn to be happy and stay happy. It is a much better life to live than to be irritated all the time. In my early 20’s I wasn’t happy. I felt lost, insecure, sad, negative, and I would try ANYTHING to feel happy. I felt like I was spiraling out of control all the time. The more I felt this way, the more my behavior and moods were negative. Why was I putting more negativity into my life than what was being thrown at me by the people and life struggles that I was surrounding myself with? Learn how to make yourself happy at all cost. It truly makes all the difference in the world.

7) Money: I am not frugal with my money at all. I love to spend money. Love the joy of buying something new and never think twice about it. I don’t believe in buyers remorse. With that being said…. I still haven’t learned this lesson….. but spend money on necessities not wants. It’s more important to build a life for yourself than to buy unnecessary things. Save now when you are young, so when your kids are grown up you can go on a European vacation without them,  like my parents are doing, and rub it in their faces.

8) Become selfish and unselfish: Your 20’s should be all about you. You do not have a family yet, or are tide down. It is your last chance to become selfish. You do this by pampering yourself, starting a business and working on it 24/7, taking a trip to see friends, buying an expensive purse-you earned it, and go to the movies by yourself. It’s a time to do whatever you want. Be single for a while and feel the freedom of doing what you want, when you want. There is beauty in being fully selfish and free. I may enjoy it a little too much….. Then you have to learn to be unselfish. How to put others needs in front of your own. Do community service, send your mother flowers out of the blue, find the love of your life and realize their happiness means more to you than your own, buy gifts for your family. Then you find a balance of both.

9) Learn the important how to’s: How to dress, what size you are (I can’t tell you how many grown women and men do not know their size), find a good tailor, and learn how to put on make up and do your hair properly. Learn to tie a tie/bowtie. Learn what colors look best on you and what silhouette flatters your body type. It is ok to not follow trends, you will thank yourself one day. Find your signature scent and lip color. Learn that buying classic pieces is a better investment than fast fashion. Find your style and not follow what your friends are wearing. This will make you more of an individual–and that is a good thing!

10) Life moves pretty fast: It is true what they say—remember in the beginning of this novel when I said I thought I was 24? It is because my life flashed before my eyes. Learn to cherish every moment you have. Learn to appreciate the downfalls and the ups, to appreciate a get together with friends and family, appreciate a walk in the park or a visit to a familiar or new city. Cherish the people in your life because you never know what could happened. Life is constantly evolving, it never stays the same, we never stay the same. If something does not go your way, find the silver lining, find the happiness from it, and thank God for all of the good that is in your life. Life can truly be amazing and magical if you only let it, but you have to realize that life IS happening at this moment. There is no future that is certain or a past that can be changed. There should never be “I’ll do it tomorrow”, seize the moment when it is presented to you. I’ve learned this the hard way by not saying how I feel  and I have learned this by taking action and going after what I want. Life moves fast, learn to love life as soon as possible.

And there you have it! Turning 30 isn’t so bad. I didn’t wake up with a wrinkle today, soooo so far so good! I am excited to see what life brings me in this new chapter, to see where I go, what I accomplish and who I will meet. My life so far has been up and down and beautifully weird. I feel grateful for all that I have been given, the people who have come and go in my life, and for figuring out who I am. I am happier than I ever have been, even though I still do not have everything figured out. I am healthier than I have ever been, celery sticks for days! And I can say that I truly love what I do and who I am. 30 is looking good! 40 on the other hand is when I start botox…..