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floral dress // circle bag c/o // nude heels // sunglasses c/o
Originally when I sat down for this blog post I was going to write the quintessential topic of how you can still wear florals for fall and how this dress is only $79…. but really you should buy it, it’s $79 with 40% off!! Anyway, what I want to talk about is a topic that has been prevalent in my conversations for the past week: Are bloggers narcissistic?
Last week I was talking to a friend of mine, who also happens to be a blogger, about our dating lives here in NYC. It was the standard girl to girl chat about boys, until she asked me about my dating profile. She asked if I put what I do in my bio on dating apps. A little confused, I said yes I do. It’s what I do for a living and I am not ashamed of it. She said she has been toying with the idea of taking off that fact that she is a blogger. Lately she has been doing an experiment when going on dates and talking to her own guy friends– out of curiosity and being open-minded– she asked them what they thought of bloggers. Most, if not all, said that they wouldn’t date a girl who blogs because she is narcissistic. Well this shocked me. I never thought of this. For my own personal experience with talking to guys in dating and my own guy friends, they all seem genuinely interested and proud of me. I mean I built a business from scratch on my own. It never occurred to me that someone might find me narcissistic. Am I completely selfless? No. No one is. But am I not there for friends or family, am I only thinking about how many likes I get or followers I gain or if someone comments how pretty I am or takes a photo of me every time I breath? Definitely not. I think about sharing what makes me happy to the world. Taking pictures of myself is my least favorite part and connecting with others is. (and for those bloggers who love the photo taking part, there is nothing wrong with that either!!). But how would you know that unless you got to know me instead of judging what I do. To be honest I wouldn’t even consider dating a guy who thinks that way– I would want to be with someone who supported me. And to be real honest, those men who are saying that, are probably intimidated by my friend’s success.
Later that week I watched one of Netflix’s new rom-coms Reality High (ok, so I like young adult rom-coms! They are cute, and make you believe in love again!). Anyway, the “villain” of the show was the popular girl Alexa who was a huge YouTube star. They coined her to be self-absorbed, having cameras follow her around 24/7, insecure, and a terrible person all around. It’s a cop-out that all bloggers and vloggers act this way. I have YET to meet a single blogger who acts this way. Sure there are some divas who think they are celebrities, and I am sure there are bloggers who are complete narcissist– but there are teachers who are narcissist, bankers who are narcissist, waiters who are narcissist, dog walkers who are narcissist. Get my point? It’s the person not the profession. Blogging, most of the time. is real people acting the same way they do off camera. In fact my blogging friends are one of the most selfless, supportive group of women I have ever met. They are always there for me cheering me on during my achievements and there for me to talk to when I am feeling like I am failing. We help each other grow; I know you wanted to meet so and so come to this party with me so you can, here is my contact for X brand, why don’t you try doing this to grow your following, I’ll be at your event would love to support you!.. etc. I have never had that sense of community and uplifting in any job I have been in– or even in some friendships.
Someone once asked me if I have someone follow me around with their camera all day. No, that would drive me insane and would give me anxiety. I meet with my photographer once a week or every other week for photos. If I am with other bloggers then I may have them take some pictures of me. If I am with my non-blogging friends I wouldn’t even think about them taking pictures of me– unless we are in a cool place and everyone is probably doing selfies. At this day in age of technology, I see non-bloggers take more selfies than bloggers do. It’s a social media world and we are all just living in it. So does that make us all narcissistic? Is Kanye right in wanting to take away the likes on social media? We are constantly sharing our trials and tribulations on social media– hoping for some kind of validation for the way we are feeling. I see non-bloggers write about their break ups on Facebook or a tragedy in their family. I see nothing wrong with any of it– we are just trying to connect with each other. Yes blogging is based off of likes and followers– the validation of what people think of our outfit/content/ etc. But it’s so much more than that. Our following count is what gets us the opportunity to work with our dream brands because they want their products to be seen by lots of people. Our like counts is the analytics we give to brands to show them that the collaboration with us was worth it and their product is being seen by people. This number also helps us grow as a business to get more opportunities to share and talk to others with similar interest. It’s more than the validation that you love… you truly love me, I must be so popular. It’s hey guys I worked my butt off creating this content and working with this brand– do you like it, what are your thoughts?
floral dress // circle bag c/o // nude heels // sunglasses c/o
I am currently reading Influencer by Brittany Hennessy (highly recommend). There is a quote in there from Brittany that says “blogging isn’t bad, it’s just misunderstood.” I couldn’t agree more. From Vogue articles, to guys on dating apps, to people from our past that probably whisper behind our backs– try understanding the work and dedication that goes into our career. Bloggers are some of the most hard-working, self motivated individuals. We NEVER stop working. I love clothes, I love running my hands through clothes, I love styling clothes, I love looking at clothes, I love wearing clothes, I love talking about clothes…. so why is it bad to make a career where I can talk about the things that make me happy? My friend, who I mentioned earlier, asked me what I tell people when they inquire what I do. I tell them the truth– I am a blogger, I own a fashion and lifestyle blog called Blush and Blooms. Then for those who may not fully comprehend what we do, I say “basically I am a freelance product marketer”. Essentially that is what we do– we are marketing products for brands. If I write “freelance product marketer” on my dating apps, would that make me seem less narcissistic? No one would even question if I was. But to famously quote Shakespeare “A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet”. It’s not what you do, but who you are that makes you a certain type of person. It’s like how girls here in NYC give guys who work on Wall Street a bad rep because of a few (a lot) bad apples. One of my guy friends who works on Wall Street is the sweetest guy I know.
For bloggers, if you run across someone who may think this way– do not get angry or defensive, show them love and try to open their eyes to what we do. For those of you who may not fully understand us and still think we are taking selfies and staring at ourselves in the mirror, try learning our profession– you may be amazed at the science of what goes into it. Am I narcissistic? Not all of the time. I have had my moments. Back when I was struggling with depression I was a terrible friend. I knew it too. I wasn’t caring about anyone else besides myself. I couldn’t honestly. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself. But never would I say I was self-absorbed, more needing extra self love. Now that I am in a happy place in my life I have learned that no matter what is going on I will be there for my friends and family. What I do is not who I am but what I love doing. I am a creative, self motivated, head in the clouds, opinionated, goofy, caring, sarcastic girl who loves to be social but also loves to be alone for a full day and read. I believe in connecting with others, chatting with others about their interest and sharing mine. If that makes me a narcissist… then so be it.
Also did I mention this dress is only $79 and 40% off 😉
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Such a GREAT post Maggie! I couldn’t agree more that there’s such a misconception about bloggers. Of course I need photos to use for content, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m a “model” by any means or find every outfit to be blog & ‘Gram worthy! And trust me when I say you’ll find a man who supports your job, dreams, and brings balance to all of it. My IG husband aka my “Hubager” thinks of great photo and biz opportunities when I’m burnt out or not thinking outside the box but also is the first one to snap me back into the moment and helps me stay present and enjoy life happening right in front of me! Thanks for being so transparent about this!
xo, Sara
Love how you tell a story to incorporate your main point about the misconception of bloggers
I love this post and want to check out the book! Thank you for sharing!
I don’t think people understand the life of a blogger. There are a lot of misconceptions and I am so like you, totally not into the picture taking but gotta do it once a week!