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dress c/o (on sale!) // circle bag // sunglasses
Over the weekend I had a nasty cold that caused me to spend my days laying on the couch watching movies. I can’t complain, it was quite nice really. Well besides the being sick part. I did, however, throughly enjoy the art of doing nothing. Turned lemons into lemonade. I spent my days watching 90’s Rom-Com. What movies did I watch? Well I thought you’d never ask. I watched: You’ve Got Mail, Serendipity, When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, and High Society (not a 90’s Rom-Com but still a goodie). I guess you can say I have a soft spot for a Meg Ryan / Tom Hanks whirlwind love story. Anyway, as I watched these movies, along with the book I just finished One Day In December, I realized they all have a common theme: fate. And it got me thinking about my life’s own serendipitous moments; were they destined to happen or is it simple a coincidence. Does God really have a plan that we are following or are we making and creating our own destiny.
The romantic and the anxiety in me wants to believe in destiny and fate. I think at the end of the day I do believe in it; whether it is within my career, relationships, friendships, who I am, what I have experienced, life in general. And if we are destined to do something or meet someone are we guided by signs to get us to the result. I used to be a firm believer in signs– almost dangerously and delusional. Those signs that I held onto so tightly as confirmation that something would eventually come into fruition were falsely believed. In the end what I believed to be true was not what my ultimate reality ended up becoming. So for a while I stopped believing in signs. I took them as a incidental happenstance. I didn’t stop believing in fate, I stopped looking for signs towards it. Maybe this is better, it really does drive you nuts thinking this or that is an omen. What I do believe now is reminders. For instance I see hearts everywhere. I see them drawled on the sidewalks in chalk, a random sticker on the wall, paint on a mailbox that formed a heart, a single leaf on the ground of its shape, and so forth. Is this me training my eyes to look for hearts? Could be, but I like to think there is something magical behind them. I once heard seeing a symbol repeatedly is your loved ones who have passed away communicating with you. I love the idea of my grandmother or one (both) of my grandfathers leaving little hearts around the city to remind me they are looking out for me. But that is all I take them for, reminders. A reminder that I am loved, to give love, that I am supported, to cheer up, to be positive and so on.
But lets get back to fate and destiny and what you really want to talk about: relationships. In the movies mentioned above each one is about two people who are destined to be together. I do believe people are suppose to come into your life for reasons– friends, family, relationships. They are meant to help guides us, teach us, support us, love us on our journey through life. Each holds certain importance in that journey. Do I believe there is one person for everyone? Yes and no. I believe for some there is only one person for them and others are meant to share their love and journey with multiple people. For me I believe, and have always believed, I am meant to share my journey with one person. I just haven’t found that person yet. Have I ever been in love before? Yes of course. I have loved someone deeply in the past but in the end he was not my person. I no longer harvest those feelings and know my journey would not be where it is today if he was; and in a way I am very grateful for it because I do love my life. I’d like to think my fairytale awaits me with someone better suited. That destiny brought me to this point in my life where I may or may not meet my person soon. The romantic in me that watches too many Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan Rom-Coms likes to daydream of fate and that ultimate meeting of two souls destined to be together forever.
Now lets talk about our passion and career. If we are not destined to do something then why do we have difference of interest. I am someone who likes dance, creativity, fashion, photography, fitness, etc. Those are my destinies. I am not destined to operate on someone in a hospital. Someone else is though, they thrive in that setting- they are interested in it. So our careers and our interest are our destiny. But then we can argue for those of you who are at a job you hate or only took so you can pay the bills, is that what god has intended for you? Is it your choice to stay in those positions instead of doing something you love? I can’t answer that. I can only answer for myself and I am doing something I believe I am destined to do. At least for the time being. I may end up doing something else down the road, who knows. I do now my destiny in my career lies in the creative.
You could argue that if god does have a set plan for us what is the point of living; of growing, learning, mistakes, heartbreak, drive, and ambition. Whats the point of doing anything if things are already laid out for us. My answer is again, I don’t know. I am not god. But my theory, or my belief however, is that God does have a blueprint of our destiny and we make the choice on how to get from A to B. Example: I have always been destined to live in New York but it could of have happened during college, when I retired, at any age I decided to move here. See my point? New York is my destiny, the decision on when to move here is my freedom of choice. Maybe I am completely wrong. But it’s how I can justify, well, life.
I often think how one tiny decision could ultimately change the course of my life. Should I have said yes when I said no but really wanted to say yes. Should I have mustered the courage to tell someone how I feel about them before it was too late. Should I have gone up to the cute guy in the subway and said hi. What if I had decided to go running along the West Side Highway on the day of the terrorist attack. I would have been right there or have seen it, instead I decided to go shopping. What if I took that job in Europe right after college, would I still be living there? All of these missed opportunities that could have shaken the course of my life. The ones that still keep me up at night sometimes thinking…. what if. Do I leave it as my freedom of choice, my decision, or do I let go and let God. That everything happens for a reason and the choices I make are part of an ultimate plan- my destiny- that god has chosen for me. I can’t dwell on the what ifs because it will drive me crazy, I have to believe those missed opportunities were driven from God.
Maybe we co-design the blueprints of our lives. What about all the woo woo stuff about manifestation and positive thinking. I believe in manifesting things into your life, but we are just manifesting things already meant for us. Positive thinking and manifestation is just opening ourselves up to receive whatever it is we want- love, career, friendships, travel, a material items, etc. I can’t manifest how or when or who– I can’t manifest Ryan Gosling be my husband no matter how hard I try but I can manifest my person. Maybe manifestation is our way of co-designing our lives. I let god know I am ready for XYZ and he either makes it happen right then and there or waits for when he believes is the right time. Even if this isn’t what happens, what’s the harm in having faith?
None of us will ever know if our lives are fated or decisive until we reach heaven. Until then I can only live my life by having unwavering faith in God; giving me the patience to know things will eventually turn out the way they are suppose to. Because when I look through my life and those missed opportunities, I see that I have always landed on my feet and something better came along. So I have to trust that my destiny will play out and the serendipitous moments in my life, the choices I make, are truly my fate.