Feeling Blue and Buying Flowers

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dress // handbag // mules // headband // earrings // sunglasses

This year hasn’t been easy for any of us. Whether we have been personally affected by COVID, the political climate of our country, the hours spent alone being quarantine, or any of the other curve balls 2020 has thrown at us. This year has taken a toll on our mental health. For me, my anxiety levels are high. I pray harder than ever for the health and safety of loved ones and for myself. I stay up at night thinking about the future and what it may hold. And I am starting to feel the bearing of loneliness from the lack of real human connections.

As some days are better than others I work extra hard to keep a positive outlook on life, finding silver linings in the circumstances. I allow my emotions to process, moving through them knowing they stem from fear and insecurity, not the truth. I search for answers and clarity through God, patiently waiting for Him to show me a compass. Accepting that answers will be shown on His timing and not mine. So as I ponder about life, I find ways to keep me going. Surrounding myself with love, beauty, nature, and aesthetics.

dress // handbag // mules // headband // earrings // sunglasses

There are many tactics that I use to cheer myself up, get out of a spiraling downfall. The first being music. Whether I want to calm my mind through soft acoustics or dance like a maniac with fun beats, music has always been my therapy. The next is watching the show Friends. I can watch this show over and over again and still laugh just as hard as I did the first time around. Watching Friends has gotten me through some dark days, bringing laughter and joy into my life when I needed it the most.

 Since being back in NYC I have made sure my vases are filled with fresh flowers. Buying flowers, seeing them every day in my home, brightens my mood. My favorite flowers are white daisies, followed by peonies and hydrangeas. There are a lot of mental health benefits in having flowers or plants in your home. The same can be said for being in nature. While NYC isn’t known for its conservancy, I try to envelop myself with greenery and fresh air. My weekly walks around the city, and the hours I spend in the park, have been a wonderful treat to my overall being. I look forward to my time feeling the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin, grass in my hands. It gives me peace and happiness.

The other day while I was shopping online I kept saying to myself, why should I buy this or that because I have nowhere to go. The truth is it does not matter if my current situation is at a standstill. Someday, somehow I will be able to wear the floral dress I have been eyeing. I think it’s time we stop letting the pandemic alter our fashion choices. If you want to put on a nice sundress to go sit in the park or wear heels to grab a curbside drink, then I say do it! Putting on a beautiful dress instantly brightens my mood. It doesn’t matter to me if I have nowhere else to go but to the grocery store, I want to feel good. No, I am not dressing to the nines or putting on makeup- heck I barely brush my hair on most days. But I will throw on whatever dress makes me feel good at the moment, casual or dressy, and sit on my couch or walk around the city.

We need more than ever to feel good about ourselves, to continuously show self-love in whatever way that works. Find joy and pleasure in the little things. Find ways to calm our minds and open our hearts to the good that still exists in this world. Some days may be more challenging than others, so let them. Let yourself be in a bad mood, marvel in the sadness you are experiencing. It’s ok to not be ok but don’t that it become who you are. Don’t let the fear of what may or may not happen consume you to the point you are not appreciating the joy that is right in front of you. This is something I need to remind myself daily. I can’t control what will happen or what is happening, but I can control where my focus goes. And right now, my focus is on the beauty and joy of life.